“Breathing is one of the quickest ways to shift your body state.”

Even though breathing happens automatically, learning to work with your breath on purpose can be a powerful tool for grounding and regulation. These simple patterns support the parasympathetic nervous system—helping to ease anxiety, reduce overwhelm, and reconnect you with the present moment. If focusing on your breath feels uncomfortable or triggering at first, that’s okay. Try starting with short practices, or pairing breath with movement or touch. Over time, breathwork can become a trusted anchor in your toolbox.

There are many wonderful apps that have built in breathing exercises, such as: Insight Timer, Headspace, Calm, 10 Percent Happier, Simple Habit... and so many more.

Here are some gentle YouTube clips that can help you through breathing exercises now:

4-7-8 Breathing Technique

Square (or Box) Breathing

Take a Deep Breath with "Calm"

Belly Breathing

Imagining a safe place helps build an internal sense of refuge.

This simple practice invites your mind and body to settle by creating an inner sanctuary—a place you can return to anytime you feel overwhelmed or need comfort.

I will be recording a guided audio to support you in creating and returning to a calm, safe place. I'm currently exploring the best format and recording options to make it accessible and easy to use.

This section is under construction—please check back soon!

📄 Try it on your own with this step-by-step guide (PDF) Download the guide to gently walk yourself through the visualization anytime. [⬇️ Download PDF]

Simple movements and orienting techniques to help regulate your body when you're feeling frozen, spacey, low energy (hypoaroused) or anxious, jumpy, activated (hyperaroused).

Includes:

• Look around slowly and name 3–5 neutral or pleasant things you see

• Place your hands on your legs or shoulders and try gentle bilateral tapping (alternating sides)

• Stand or sit and gently press your feet into the floor—feel your legs activate

• Turn your head left to right at your own pace, noticing what feels safe or pleasant

• Stretch your arms or neck slowly, feeling the edges of your body again

These body-based actions send messages of safety to your nervous system and help bring you back into your Window of Tolerance.

The Window of Tolerance is a helpful way to understand your nervous system. It describes the zone where you feel calm and able to think clearly, even when facing challenges. When you’re outside your window, you might feel overwhelmed (fight or flight) or shut down (freeze or numbness). Learning to notice where you are in your window is a first step in building tools for grounding and self-regulation.

📖 We’ll explore this more deeply in Phase 2 as we develop skills to stay in and widen your window.

This is a technique I’ve recommended to many clients over the years. It’s a simple, body-based practice called Self-Havening, which combines soothing touch, breath, and supportive language to help calm the nervous system.

The video below gently guides you through the process. I personally like the pace and tone of the facilitator’s voice—many clients find it grounding and reassuring.

When to use it:  Use when you're feeling anxious, emotionally flooded, or needing help settling your body. It can be especially helpful after therapy sessions, before bed, or during stressful moments.

Note: If we’ve done EMDR or body-based work together, this may feel familiar—similar to resourcing or bilateral touch.

▶️ Watch now: Easy 10 Minute Self Havening Technique to Reduce Stress and Anxiety – Michele Paradise

Sometimes it helps to have support in your pocket. These apps offer guided audio, relaxation strategies, and simple education to support your nervous system—especially during times of anxiety, pain, or overwhelm.

Screen Shot Picture

You can use them to practice:

• Breathing and calming exercises

• Guided imagery or body scans

• Cognitive strategies to interrupt anxious or distressing thought patterns

Tip: Try using one of these tools for 5–10 minutes a day, or during times you feel activated. The more consistently you use them, the more familiar and effective they may become.

Note: If we’ve done EMDR together, some of the tools may feel familiar—like the resourcing, grounding, or imagery work we’ve practiced in session.

How to find them: Search in your App Store (iOS or Android) for:

• “Anxiety” by Excel At Life

• “Overcoming Pain” by Excel At Life

🖼️ See screenshot above for reference. 

🆘If you're experiencing a panic attack, know this: you are not in danger, even if it feels that way. Panic attacks are intense but temporary surges of fear or distress. The symptoms can feel overwhelming—racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, shaking, or fear of losing control— but they will pass. 

Here are a few steps to help you ground and move through the moment:  

1. Name What’s Happening Say to yourself (out loud if you can): “This is a panic attack. I am safe. My body is reacting to a false alarm.” 
Naming it helps you step out of fear and into observation.  

2. Use Your Breath Try this grounding breath:  

* Inhale through your nose for 4 counts 
* Exhale through your mouth for 6 counts 
* Repeat slowly for 1–2 minutes If breathing feels hard, just focus on the exhale—blowing out slowly like you’re cooling hot soup. 

3. Orient to the Present Gently look around and say aloud: 
* 3 things you can see  
* 2 things you can hear  
* 1 thing you can feel (e.g., your feet on the ground, a chair supporting you) 
This helps your brain reconnect with the here-and-now. 

4. Engage Your Body Try any of these:  
* Push your hands into a wall or chair arm 
* Stomp your feet gently on the ground  
* Hold a cool object (like a water bottle or metal key) 
* Rub your arms or hug yourself for calming pressure 

5. Repeat Soothing Words Choose a phrase like:  

“This will pass.” 
“I am okay in this moment.” 
“I’ve gotten through this before.” 

Say it with each breath if it helps. 

Optional Support Tools You can try using one of these: 

* Open your grounding PDF or use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique 
* Text or call a safe person to help anchor you 

You’re Not Alone Panic attacks can feel scary, but you are not broken, and you do not have to face them alone. If they occur frequently, bring it up in our next session. Together, we can understand what’s going on and work with your nervous system at a pace that feels safe. 

Here is a downloadable/printable version of this section:
Panic Attack SOS: A Guide for Panic Attacks

The Window of Tolerance, a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, describes the optimal zone of arousal where you can manage emotions, reflect, and respond thoughtfully. When within your window, your nervous system is balanced—you can think clearly and stay present.

Outside the window, two patterns may arise:  Hyperarousal (lots of activation in the body): Feeling anxious, angry, restless, or overwhelmed. Hypoarousal (Lack of activation in the body): Feeling numb, shut down, disconnected, depressed or exhausted.

Why it matters:  Trauma and stress can narrow your window, making it harder to stay in this balanced zone. By practicing regulation strategies, you can widen your window over time, increasing your capacity to stay present even in challenging situations.

💡 Reflection Prompt:  What signs tell you that you’re moving out of your window? What helps you return?

Try This:  When you notice you’re outside your Window of Tolerance, gently say to yourself:
🗨️ “Right now I am triggered. I can get through this. I am safe right now. Just breathe.”

Repeating this can help remind your nervous system that you’re not in danger and invite a sense of calm.

Journaling can be a powerful tool for healing. It helps slow down your thoughts, tune into your emotions, and connect with different “parts” of yourself that may hold important stories or needs. Even a few minutes of writing can help bring clarity and self-compassion.

💡 Sample Journal Prompts

• What helped you survive?

• What is your body trying to tell you?

• What do you need from others now?

📥 Want more?  Download the full Reflect & Heal journal (PDF) for additional prompts and space to reflect.

When early relationships didn’t meet your needs for safety, comfort, and connection, your nervous system learned to adapt. But those attachment needs—to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure—don’t disappear. They remain as quiet longings in parts of you that still hope for care.

🌱 The 4 S’s of Attachment  Healthy attachment depends on four core needs:

• Safe: Feeling protected from harm, knowing you can relax.

• Seen: Feeling noticed, understood, and accepted as you are.

• Soothed: Knowing others will comfort you when you’re upset.

• Secure: Trusting that others will be there consistently, even through challenges.

This practice helps you begin meeting those needs internally, creating a felt sense of safety and belonging.

🌿 Try This: Circle of Love

1. Close your eyes and imagine standing or sitting in the center of a circle.
   
   

2. Picture safe, loving figures forming a circle around you:
   - People who have shown kindness (past or present)
   - Spiritual figures, ancestors, or imagined protectors
   - I would be happy to be included, if that feels right for you
   
   

3. As you look around, notice their warm eyes and caring presence.
   
   

4. Imagine them saying:
   “You are loved.”
   “You are safe here.”
   “You belong. Your needs matter.”
   
   

5. Notice how your body feels as you let yourself receive their support.

💡 Reflection Prompt:  Which of these needs—safe, seen, soothed, or secure—feels most tender for you right now? How did it feel to imagine that need being met?

As you reconnect with your values and sense of self, you may notice a growing clarity about what supports your well-being and what doesn’t. This is the heart of healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are not rigid walls to keep others out. They are compassionate limits that honor your needs and create room for relationships, activities, and choices that align with who you are and what matters most.

This work often begins with listening inward, tuning into the subtle cues of your body and emotions. Your gut, your tension, your sense of peace or discomfort can all hold valuable information. As you practice paying attention, you can begin to discern:

✔️ What feels like a true yes for me?
✔️ What feels like a clear no, even if it’s hard to say?

Healthy boundaries aren’t just about saying no—they’re also about saying yes:

• Yes to rest when your body asks for it.

• Yes to relationships that feel mutual and life-giving.

• Yes to opportunities that reflect your values and bring you joy.

Learning to set boundaries is a process of teaching yourself how and when to say no, without guilt or self-judgment. It’s also a practice of trusting your inner wisdom to guide your decisions. This takes time, but each step builds confidence and self-respect.

✨ “Boundaries are an act of love—for yourself, and for the health of your relationships.”

🌿 Reflection Questions

• When I listen to my body or emotions, what do I notice about what feels like a yes or no?

• Where in my life am I saying “yes” when I really mean “no”?

• What would it feel like to say “yes” to the things, people, and practices that nourish me?

• How might my values guide the boundaries I want to hold?

• What small boundary could I try this week to honor my needs?

📚 Suggested Resources

• Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (book)

• The “Boundaries” series by Drs. Cloud & Townsend (book)

• Podcast: Therapy Chat – Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Healing takes courage and it’s natural to encounter moments when you feel doubt, shame, or frustration along the way. In these moments, self-compassion can be a powerful practice.

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a close friend. It’s not about excusing mistakes or avoiding growth—it’s about meeting your pain with gentleness so you can move forward without getting stuck in self-criticism.

This might look like:
✔️ Softening your inner dialogue when a part of you feels afraid or overwhelmed
✔️ Soothing your body and nervous system when emotions feel intense
✔️ Allowing space for all your feelings—even the uncomfortable ones—without judgment

✨ “Self-compassion is simply giving yourself the same kindness you would give to others.” – Christopher Germer

Part of healing is learning how to be in relationship with others again—in ways that feel safe, nourishing, and true to who you’re becoming. Trauma often disrupts connection, leaving us feeling isolated or unsure how to trust. But over time, as you reconnect with yourself, there’s space to explore connection with others, too.

This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into situations you’re not ready for. It’s about gently expanding your circle of support and allowing community and relationships to grow in ways that feel natural. Building connection is a process, and it’s okay to take small steps. Meaningful relationships and community take time to develop—there’s no need to rush.

Some places to explore connection might include:
✔️ Group therapy or support groups: Sharing your journey with others who understand can reduce feelings of isolation and increase a sense of belonging.
✔️ Couples or family therapy: Healing relational patterns and building healthier ways of being together.
✔️ Faith or spiritual communities: Rediscovering connection through shared meaning and support.
✔️ Hobby or interest groups: Reconnecting with joy and play by doing what you love with others.

🌿Gentle Next Steps

• Start small: Reach out to one trusted person, even for simple conversation.

• Be a quiet observer: Attend a support group or community gathering just to listen—no pressure to share.

• Reflect: What kind of community or relationships do I long for?

• Try something new: Explore joining a class or hobby group that sparks your interest, even online.

• Be gentle with yourself: Fears of rejection or vulnerability are a natural part of re-learning connection.
  

• Give it time: Building community takes time. It’s okay to take small steps and allow relationships to grow slowly and naturally.

✨ Healing happens in relationship with yourself, with others, and with the world around you.